- HOW TO CATCH A CHEATING SPOUSE
- BY VICTORIA FRELOW PI#19728
- Cheating, a nasty word that every couple fears. It is the opposite
of a true bond, a trust, a friendship. It hurts to the core and often brings
about resentment, ill feelings, and hate for the person we once called
"Soul Mate". Cheating is feared because it brings out all of
our insecurities. It makes us wonder what does that other person have that
we don't. It penetrates the heart like alcohol poured into a sore or wound.
We often wonder what we did wrong to cause this major disruption in our
relationship. Did we gain weight? Did we fail to provide love, or smother
our partner with too much love? Now what are we to do? Can we forgive our
dishonest, unfaithful partner? Many of us do, for numerous reasons and
excuses, ignoring the fact that he or she is just too weak to end the relationship.
- Parties often use their children, assets, family, and friends as an
excuse not to leave the cheater. The relationship goes through a cycle
that involves the cheater begging forgiveness and trying to mend what he
or she has destroyed. The victim painfully tries to make sense of what
has occurred, accepts it, and forgives. Then, the memories of the cheater's
adulterous ways return sending the victim into a rage, sometimes causing
uncontrollable violence. After all is said and done time is the only true
healer of a broken heart.
- The cheater becomes a model partner trying to prove that he or she
can be trusted, until the uncontrollable urge or a vision of lust becomes
overwhelming once again.
- Sound familiar or too close for comfort? Nearly 1.2 million American
marriages were dissolved by the courts in 1994. It is stated that nearly
half of new marriages will end in divorce. A University of Oklahoma study
revealed that the "no fault" divorce actually raised the number
of divorces in 44 states.
- There are several ways to recognize and catch a disloyal partner. It
is usually discovered with a sudden change in behavior. For example, your
partner wants to go places alone, or he or she doesn't show any true affection
or have a sexual appetite. Your partner stays out late with unexpected
meetings, or receives pages in the middle of the night. The home is inundated
with strange phone calls coupled with whispering conversations, or your
partner suddenly panics and hangs up the phone when you enter the room.
- Also be aware of any closed platonic relationships. Most friends will
not approve of the cheater's ways but will remain very dependable. Some
friends will actually help the cheater get out of the home and will often
provide an iron-clad alibi for the cheater. Don't get upset or blame the
friend for his/her part in the plan. You must understand although it is
difficult, that the cheater's buddy will assist the cheater out of loyalty
and true feelings of guilt. These emotions usually stem from a long lasting
or childhood friendship.
- I must admit, some cheaters are very shrewd. They show no signs of
any wrong doing. All tracks are covered and they are more loving than ever.
This is a difficult nut to crack. This person usually has something to
lose if he or she is caught and knows how to manage his/her affairs. This
is the type of individual that requires a professional. The cheater is
in control of his/her life and can handle the pressures of handling two
sexual partners. This type of individual causes the most pain.
- What can we do to catch these unfaithful, uncaring, selfish individuals?
First of all the cheater must no know that you suspect him/her. Although
it is difficult, you must still treat the cheater the same way as you did
prior to suspecting him/her of cheating. Give the cheater plenty of room
to hang himself/herself, don't try to interfere with the cheating behavior.
If you suspect the cheater is actually cheating at home while you're away,
make false plans to be away one weekend and stay at a local hotel. Park
down the street from your residence, then watch and wait. Before you try
some of these suggestions, make sure you are willing to accept the consequences
without violence. Have a plan as to what you intend to do if your suspicions
are indeed confirmed.
- Tips on what to do prior to catching a cheater:
- 1. If you intend to dissolve a marriage after your suspicions are confirmed,
it would be in your best interest to seek an attorney for advice on pensions,
separation of property, custody battles, bank accounts, etc. You need to
know just how complicated the divorce will be.
- 2. See a therapist if you think that the pain will be too great to
handle or you intend to stay in the relationship.
- 3. Always remain calm and never resort to physical violence (believe
me, the pocket book hurts worse than physical pain!).
- 4. Bottom line, be prepared and ready for action! You deserve the upper
hand for a change!
- Remember that you will come out of this a winner if you prepare and
don't lose your cool. The cheater did you a favor. You don't need anyone
in your life that will not be faithful and constantly upsets you. You are
too good for the cheater and deserve much better. It will be hard, but
let the cheater go because we all know that most of the time, "WHAT
COMES AROUND GOES AROUND".
- I cannot emphasize enough the importance of not resorting to physical
violence. You run the possibility of having criminal charges filed against
you, an arrest record, possible jail time, as well as a fine, which will
only increase your pain. IT ISN'T WORTH IT!!!!
- My last suggestion is to hire a professional Private Investigator that
has extensive knowledge in surveillance, decoys and special devices to
catch the cheater RED HANDED.
- Victoria S. Frelow
- Scotland Yard Investigations
- This article cannot be reprinted without the express consent
of Scotland Yard Investigations/Vickie Frelow
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